One Month

Dear Sadie,

This month has gone by so fast! It seems like we were just leaving the hospital. You have changed so much and are growing so fast, but you still look a lot like your daddy. You had a doctor's appointment on Wednesday. You inherited your dad's appetite and weigh 8 pounds 7 ounces. You've grown an inch since you were born. The doctor said you're one healthy baby and has no concerns! 

You pretty much slept through the first two weeks of life. I needed to wake you up for feedings. Now you're becoming more alert. You like being on your back on your play mat. You look around constantly. I'm always trying to figure out what you're looking at. 

You have a love/hate relationship with your car seat, baths, and getting changed. You love getting your hair washed and the sound of running water. 

We're working hard to make breastfeeding work. 

You are STRONG! We have to be careful when we're holding you because you move around so much. You can lift your head up and push yourself off our chests with your arms and legs. 

You had a growth spurt right around four weeks. You were a completely different baby!! You wanted to be fed every hour and had no problem voicing your displeasure. 

You like listening to music. The Lumineers station on Pandora is your favorite.

You eat every two to three hours during the day and every four to six hours during the night. 

We swaddle you before bed and you look like a little caterpillar. 

You make the funniest expressions while you're sleeping. They range from smiles, to raising one eyebrow, to looking like you're in pain. 

You're pretty easy for the most part. When you do get fussy, it doesn't take much to settle you down. You like it when dad beat boxes Mambo Number 5. 

We've made many trips to Target and Starbucks. As long as you're fed you do well being out. You like the stroller as long as we're moving. 

You were baptized this month. It was a very special day for us! 

We love you so much. You're the rainbow in our lives and you bring us so much joy. We can't believe how much you've changed already. These moments are so precious because you'll only be this little for so long!

Love, Mom

Cloth Diapers

We've started using cloth diapers and I'm in love! I had such a hard time with disposables. They were always leaking or blowing out. It was getting so frustrating. Sadie's umbilical cord fell off when she was 8 days old, but it still needed some additional time to heal. I tried using a cloth diaper, but it just irritated the area. On Monday evening her little scab fell off and we started using cloth on Tuesday.

So far it's gone really smoothly. She looks so cute in her diapers. We've gone out a couple times and changing her has been a breeze. I just throw the dirty diaper in a wet bag and toss it in my diaper bag. Easy! I was nervous about washing them because there's so many different routines. I wasn't sure which one would work for us, but I haven't had any issues yet.

It's only been a few days and I'm sure there will be a leak here or a blowout there, but so far I am so happy we decided to use cloth.

One Week

Sadie is already a week old! To be honest, I had no idea until my friend texted me and said Happy One Week Sadie. Our first week has gone really well. For the most part Sadie is pretty chill, just don't mess with her when she's hungry. Reed and I are so in love and we're trying to enjoy our time together as a new family before he goes back to work. Hopefully Monday doesn't come too fast! I'll try and post more later. I just wanted to share some pictures and let you know that we're home safe and sound.

She's here!

Our beautiful rainbow baby has arrived! After 14 1/2 hours of labor (7 of which were the scariest 7 hours of my life) Sadie Mae entered the world weighing 6 pounds 12 ounces and 20 1/2 inches long on October 22. Reed and I are the luckiest people and thank God that He blessed us with this girl!

Bump Watch: 40 Weeks

Size of baby: Pumpkin, just in time for Halloween.

Cravings: Sweets

What I'm looking forward to: Meeting this little girl. We're so close and it's a little nerve wracking. I'm so excited to meet her, but another part of me keeps thinking holy crap, we're going to have a baby soon!

Miss anything?: I miss my pre-pregnancy body. I'm ready to be able to move about freely without feeling aches and pains.

Maternity clothes: Nothing new.

Movement: She is still having her dance parties in there.

Gender: Girl!

Happy or Moody: Happy. Reed and I were able to spend the whole weekend together. It was nice hanging out and relaxing. We went to breakfast after church on Sunday because we figured it'd be the last time we would go out to eat for a while. We also spent a lot of time hanging out in bed watching TV.

Nursery

Our glider came in this week. Yaaay! Now all we need is a baby, but apparently we have a stubborn girl on our hands. Ok, I need to relax. It's not even her due date yet. For the most part everything is ready in her room. Reed still needs to hang the mobile over the glider and I might add some frames to the walls behind the glider. That will have to wait until after she arrives though. I'm trying to relax as much as possible until she shows up.

I made the little fabric banner. Thank you Pinterest. It was a little time consuming because I had to cut each piece of fabric, but I just watched Netflix and time flew by.

The table and chairs were mine and my sister's when we were younger. We played with them all the time. Our names are engraved on the back and it was a pain to paint! The tea set from Beauty and the Beast is also mine from when I was little. Once Sadie is mobile I'll move it to higher ground, but my sister and I sat in these same seats playing with our tea sets!

I still need to pick up a few things to complete the shelves. We're going to put different items from her birthday in the shadow box. I made the alphabet frame, pinwheels and jar, the purple S, and the bow holder was made by one of the special gals in my life for the shower. Reed painted and hung the Ikea spice racks, another Pinterest find. For the shower, guests brought books instead of cards and I can't wait to read them to Sadie.

Our comfy glider! It reclines and swivels. It's so amazing.

Sadie probably has the nicest room in the house. :) It feels so good to have everything finished and to have the glider. I've sat in the glider every night and read to her or thought about all the memories we're going to have in her room. Sunday is her due date and Reed doesn't have to work on Saturday (Giant YAY!) so I think we're going to hang out and enjoy our last weekend as a family of two. Start saying some prayers and shout outs to the Big Guy upstairs that she arrives soon, safely and healthy!

Bump Watch: 39 Weeks

Size of baby: Watermelon, not my kind of visual since she's going to be coming out of me soon!

Cravings: Pineapple and sweets. I am packing on the pounds during the end, she needs to come soon. :)

What I'm looking forward to: Meeting this little girl.

Miss anything?: Sleep, sleeping through the night without peeing 9 times, going through the day without peeing 183 times, and shopping.

Maternity clothes: Nothing new.

Movement: The doctor said she's low and I've been feeling some movement lower than usual.

Gender: Girl!

Happy or Moody: Happy. Our doctor will let me go one week past our due date so we're going to have a baby sometime in the next two weeks. The house is clean, her room is ready, her clothes and diapers are washed, and we are so ready to meet her.

Bump Watch: 38 Weeks

Size of baby: As long as a stalk of rhubarb

Cravings: I didn't really crave anything this week.

What I'm looking forward to: Meeting this little girl.

Miss anything?: Sleep

Maternity clothes: Nothing new.

Movement: I can tell she's running out of room in there, but I don't think she got the memo. Sometimes I feel like she's going to bust out of my stomach because there's so much pressure.

Gender: Girl!

Happy or Moody: Happy.

Bump Watch: 37 Weeks

Size of baby: As long as stalk of Swiss Chard.

Cravings: Pineapple

What I'm looking forward to: Meeting this little girl.

Miss anything?: Sleep

Maternity clothes: Nothing new.

Movement: I'm listening to the Lion King soundtrack and she's dancing in there. Side note, Reed knows the word to every Lion King song!

Gender: Girl!

Happy or Moody: Happy. We've started our weekly appointments and so far, so good!

Bump Watch: 36 Weeks

Size of baby: Canary Melon

Cravings: McDonalds. I could eat there everyday. I don't, but I could.

What I'm looking forward to: I've been a busy bee the past two weeks and I should be able to take it easy until Sadie makes her arrival. I'm looking forward to some relaxation!

Miss anything?: Sleep

Maternity clothes: Nothing new.

Movement: She was moving non-stop for three hours the other night. I'm a little worried that she put herself into the breech position because there was so much moving and stretching. Hopefully she was just working on her gymnastic routine.

Gender: Girl!

Happy or Moody: Happy. We're getting our last minute items taken care of and it's nice to see everything come together.

Nursery Progress

We're done with nursery! All that's left is some last minute organizing. We're still waiting for our glider to arrive. Hopefully we get the call before Sadie gets here! In the meantime I thought I'd give you a sneak peak. Once the glider is here I'll post pictures of her whole room.

One Month Left!

Yesterday was one month until our due date. I think Sadie is going to make her debut late, Reed thinks she'll be here before her due date. Only time will tell, but it's a little crazy to think that she can be here at any moment. I am beyond excited to meet her. I can't wait to see what she looks like and what color her hair is. I'm ready to start this new adventure and never look back. I have been savoring these last few moments with Reed, trying to enjoy the little things and trying to take in some memories of just the two of us.

I'm also pretty excited about no more heartburn. I've never experienced this before and to be honest,\ always thought that people who complained about it were wimps. It didn't seem like that big of a deal, but I had NO idea! It's pretty brutal. I'm ready to sleep on my back and my stomach and to not have to pee every 45 minutes and not wake up because I'm uncomfortable and then wake up 10 minutes later because I'm uncomfortable on the other side. I'm ready to have my normal walk back instead of walking like a penguin. I'm too young to groan like a 85 year old every time I move. I miss waking up and feeling refreshed instead of feeling like I haven't slept in 2 days.

But I'm not ready for this pregnancy to be over. While things have gotten pretty uncomfortable, I wouldn't trade any of it for this little blessing that's about to be born to us. I'm not ready to give up the little, well now they pack some heat, kicks and movements. It doesn't get old. I know that being a mom is going to be pretty incredible and I may change my mind, but this has been the most amazing experience, being pregnant. Nothing is going to compare to feeling her move inside of me and watching her grow through various ultrasounds. I have loved to see my belly grow and get bigger each week because that means our Sadie girl is growing and getting stronger. Even through the most difficult times I have felt so incredibly lucky. God gave us this gift and we have not taken it lightly. We wanted this so badly and now we're about to get what we've been dreaming about. We can't wait to love on this baby girl.

Bump Watch: 34 Weeks

Size of baby: Cantaloupe

Cravings: Pretty much anything and everything. I'm hungry all the time and kind of a bottomless pit.

What I'm looking forward to: We're getting closer to meeting her and I cannot wait!

Miss anything?: I feel like a 95 year old woman, something aches with every move or every step I take.

Maternity clothes: Nothing new. I probably won't be buying anything new since we're getting close to the end, unless it's a pretty wicked deal. And by pretty wicked deal, I mean free.

Movement: I had this moment one night where she was fist pumping so I put my hand on my stomach to feel her. I realized it was her little hand that I was feeling and that our hands were touching. Well, pretty much touching. There are some layers in the way, but it was pretty special to me.

Gender: Girl!

Happy or Moody: Happy. We had our maternity pictures done on Sunday and I am so excited to see how they turned out.

Baby Shower

My lovely sister Katie and lovely friend Tonya threw me an amazing baby shower. It was so much fun and they did a fantastic job.

They had a headband making station and it was pretty stinkin cute. All the guests were encouraged to make a headband and attach a tag with a message for Sadie to it. We got some really sweet messages and cute headbands. This kid is going to be a little rockstar!

I was completely overwhelmed by how generous our friends and family were. Sadie is one loved little girl and I think Reed and I are pretty loved too! :)

Reed was next door hanging out drinking with his buddies. He came over once I was done opening presents to say hi to everyone. We didn't want him to feel left out so we made him open his presents too! This basket is from me. I have been planning on doing this for years! Everything inside was Reed related from a Michael Jackson lullaby CD to a onesie that says Don't Worry My Dad Has A Beard On It. The onesie was his favorite thing and just added fuel to the fire that he needs to "always" have a beard. His friends got him some presents too, it was pretty sweet!

We have the most talented friends! I asked them to make a cake for Reed's "shower." It's a Daddy panda with a Sadie panda. Seriously, how cute is this? I may have cried when they showed it to me... If you need a cake or cupcakes check them out! They're awesome. 

The baby shower always seemed so far away and I can't believe it's already come and gone! It was such a special day and we were truly spoiled. 

Bump Watch: 33 Weeks

Size of baby: Pineapple, which sounds delicious!

Cravings: I had one heck of a craving this week. I wanted McDonalds, bread sticks and alfredo sauce from Olive Garden, a thin crust pizza from Dominos, cold stone, and a brownie. It was a little out of control.

What I'm looking forward to: We're making progress on the nursery. We started hanging stuff on the walls this weekend and I have a few crafty things left to do! Hopefully by this weekend everything will be hung and organized. We ordered our glider and it will take anywhere from 7 to 13 weeks so once that shows up everything will be complete. Her room looks better than ours! :)

Miss anything?: I think I'm entering the uncomfortable stage of pregnancy. My body is getting pretty achy and it's getting harder to sleep. I'm still enjoying being pregnant and trying to savor these last few weeks.

Maternity clothes: I bought a new tank top that I'm modeling in this picture. Ooh la la!

Movement: She's getting stronger and stronger! We may have a little boxer on our hands.

Gender: Girl power!

Happy or Moody: Happy.

Our first ultrasound

In my first post where I explained why I started a blog I mentioned getting pregnant wasn't the easiest thing for Reed and me. While our journey wasn't the easiest, it wasn't the hardest either, but it did take a toll on my heart. When you decide you are ready to bring a child into this world, you're ready then and there. You grow up hearing the warnings "it only takes once to get pregnant" so if it doesn't happen the first, third, or sixth month it begins to weigh pretty heavily on your heart. After three months of trying I began to feel like something wasn't right. I went for my yearly physical and told my doctor that we were trying to get pregnant. She said she would run some routine blood work to make sure everything was ok. One of my tests came back a little abnormal and after some additional tests and ultrasounds she said I shouldn't worry. I'm a big believer in being your own advocate when it comes to your medical care. Since my doctor is a general physician I decided to make an appointment with an OBGYN. I figured this was their speciality and when/if we got pregnant I would need one anyway. By the time I got to my appointment I had began taking my temperature everyday, using ovulation sticks, and my cycles were becoming longer and longer. This doctor explained that my original blood work did not fall in their abnormal category, but it sounded like I wasn't ovulating. That's kind of important when you're trying to get pregnant! She prescribed me progesterone. It was suppose to make my cycles more regular and after three months on it I would return to the doctor where we would start using a drug that would force me to ovulate. If by some chance I did get pregnant I would continue taking the pill through the first trimester. I still monitored to see if I ovulated. The first cycle came and went, I didn't ovulate.

During the second cycle I got my first positive ovulation test. It was crazy to think that this could be it! Two weeks later I took a pregnancy test and got a negative. It wasn't my first rodeo, but those negative tests feel like a slap in the face! Two days later I still hadn't started my period so I decided to test again. I knew I was setting myself up for failure. This time I looked down and saw two bright lines. My first reaction was "are you fucking kidding me?" (I have a bit of a potty mouth.) I couldn't believe it, I was pregnant! Nine months after we started trying, a few doctors appointments, an ultrasound, and some pills later I was pregnant.

I made my appointment and saw my doctor at 8 weeks. We both were nervous going to this appointment. I had no morning sickness and besides sore boobs, I felt great. She did an internal ultrasound and we saw our little baby, heartbeat and all! We walked out of there on cloud nine! This was it, it was finally happening! We were going to be parents and we have pictures to prove it.

When I was 10 weeks I went on a roadtrip to visit friends in Durango, CO. Reed had to work so I went with his best friend. I know that sounds a little weird, but the three of us have been on vacations before so it's not that weird for us, plus we were visiting his sister. A couple days into our trip I began to have a bad feeling. One night I woke up around 1 A.M. and knew something was wrong. This had happened before, I knew what it felt like, so I wasn't surprised to go to the bathroom to find blood. I had lost our little baby. My whole world came crashing down.

That happened a year ago today. It's crazy how things can change in a year. It took me months to work through all the feelings that came with this miscarriage. I walked four miles a day for over a month so I could work out all my thoughts and hurt. I am so thankful for the little girl who is currently fist pumping inside of me, but she doesn't replace the two babies I have lost. I look at it as one of those puzzles that have different shapes. You can't put a square in a triangle hole just like this baby doesn't fit the hole in my heart for my other babies.

I thought it was important to share this part of our story. It has been so much fun taking weekly bump pictures and writing about the nursery progress, but this is meaningful too. This has shaped who I am today and how I feel about this pregnancy. I also thought it was important because chances are you have or know someone who has had a miscarriage and it can be helpful reading other people's experiences.

My Dream Job

I started working at a library close to my house in December 2012. I have always wanted to work at a library and I was finally doing my dream job. While it was a pretty easy job, it was also physically taxing. I spent a lot of time squatting, bending over picking up books, and pushing a cart that when fully loaded weighed about 50 pounds. My goal was to work until September and take it from there. I began feeling more and more wiped out the beginning of August. Reed and I talked about it and decided that working through the end of the month would be good. I would reach my goal and have time to nest before baby girl makes her arrival.

Yesterday was my last day and it was bittersweet. The ladies at work spoiled me. I was greeted with mini bundt cakes and presents. They are really thoughtful and it meant a lot to me that people who I have only worked with for 10 months gave me such a sweet goodbye.

I am excited to have some time at home to get a last few things in order and to start cooking some dinners to freeze. I am also sad to leave a job that I enjoy doing. I guess you can say I'm leaving one dream job for another because staying home with Sadie is going to be amazing.

Bump Watch: 32 Weeks

Size of baby: Napa Cabbage

Cravings: Nothing this week.

What I'm looking forward to: My baby shower was over the weekend and we were spoiled!! Everything is in our family room right now and I can't wait to start putting everything away. I love organizing!!

Miss anything?: Energy, I wake up exhausted and get more tired as the day goes on.

Maternity clothes: Nothing new this week.

Movement: She kept me up for about an hour one night around 2:00 A.M. I think she was re-decorating.

Gender: A sweet baby girl.

Happy or Moody: Happy! The baby shower was amazing. It was so much fun seeing everyone and celebrating Sadie Mae. Reed and I are incredibly lucky to have such generous people in our lives.

Bump Watch: 31 Weeks

This week was one of the weeks where I barely see my husband so I took my picture myself. I have great skills, don't you think?

Size of baby: As long as a bunch of leeks.

Cravings: Oranges.

What I'm looking forward to: My baby shower is this weekend. I can't believe it! My sister and friend have been working really hard on it. I can't wait to see everything and everyone.

Miss anything?: Energy, I wake up exhausted and get more tired as the day goes on.

Maternity clothes: Nothing new this week.

Movement: She's been moving like crazy the past two days. Last night Reed and I sat for 30 minutes and watched my stomach move.

Gender: A sweet baby girl.

Happy or Moody: Happy! I've been less hormonal lately which has been such a blessing. I still shed a few random tears here and there, but nothing like before. I'm trying to enjoy these last few weeks of pregnancy. She's going to be here so soon. I had a dream that I gave birth. It was pretty realistic except for the fact that she was talking.

I have a confession to make...

I failed my one hour gestational diabetes test. I was pretty devastated. There was part of me that worried I would fail, but I'm pretty healthy and I haven't gained a ton of weight so I wasn't too worried. The nurse told us at our last appointment and it took everything in me to not burst into tears (they came later). Our daughter isn't even born yet and I've already failed her. I'm not off to a good start with this whole parenting thing.

I took the three hour test last week and it was pretty rough. Since I had to fast I went early in the morning to get it over with. It starts with a blood draw and then I had to drink the glucose drink which had two times the amount of glucose in it from the first drink. Yuck! I started feeling pretty crappy about 50 minutes into it. If you throw up the test is over and you have to do it all over again. I was determined not to let this happen. I laid down on a bed they had in the back in between my one hour and two hour draw. Laying down helped immensely and I was able to get through the test without getting sick. I was pretty proud of myself for handling four blood draws and not fainting! When I got home I ate my lunch in about 5 minutes. I hadn't had anything to eat since 6 pm the night before and by the time I got home it was close to noon. I was starving and feeling shaky from the drink.

I was at work when I noticed I had a missed call from the doctor. I thought, this is it, I failed pretty horribly for them to call me so soon. It took almost a week to get my results of the first test and this time I took the test on Friday and they called me on Monday. I called them back and left a message. As I was waiting for them to call me back I kept thinking what am I going to do if they say I have gestational diabetes? I had googled the diet they put you on and it really isn't too different from how I eat now. If that doesn't work, I'd have to go on insulin. I don't want to do any of that!

After what seemed like hours, but was really 10 minutes, the nurse called me back and informed me that I had passed. YAAAAAAAAAAAAY!!!!! I shouted hallelujah and she said I totally passed and was good to go. In your face gestational diabetes!

I'm so thankful that I passed. Testing positive increases your chances of having diabetes later in life and would give Sadie girl an increased risk as well. I have about 10 weeks left until she gets here and I want to focus on being as healthy as possible until she makes her arrival with the exception of a few sweets. Hey, if you can't have chocolate what's the point in living?